why i'm still checking facebook

"i'm not checking facebook any more!" this is the familiar cry of my people: the single among us.
"can we just go ahead and name it engagement-book or babybook already?" i chime in as i awkwardly check my teeth for any leftover spinach dip, as if my shot at engagement photos is liable to waltz into the room and sweep me off my feet at any moment. alas, he doesn't, and any free roaming spinach particles live to see another day.

this is an all too regular scene for me these days. in the midst of friends i'm afraid i've become more of a wedding basher than a wedding crasher. i can see it now: jennifer lawrence would play the main character, a cynical single girl who has just purchased her 4th dog and lives in a disheveled yet artsy apartment in the charming southern city of nashville, tn. she attends all of these weddings just to write a sassy column in the local newspaper bashing the weddings and the whole institution of marriage. eventually she will of course fall in love with a wedding photographer but let's not spoil the ending. hey it's my movie and i want to be jennifer lawrence in nashville okay? cut me some slack...

but in all seriousness i need to confess something: in an attempt to look independent and nonchalant i've become very sarcastic about marriage. i've found myself getting a little bitter about the fact that all of my friends seem to be planning the wedding of the century while my future consists of saying yes to the bridesmaid's dress. i've very suddenly been convicted by it all and it's time for me to set the record straight.

single people: first of all we are in our 20's. this means most of us still have another 20 years before our reproductive organs quit on us. THERE. IS. TIME. secondly, we have got to stop being so bitter about marriage. instead of complaining about another wedding or how we will end up all alone we need to start celebrating! our friends have chosen the path less traveled and certainly the path less continued. shouldn't we be ecstatic that in a world full of divorce our friends are willing to commit to life together? we're feeding into the problem when we say things like "another one bites the dust." our friends deserve our enthusiasm! it's our job to be supportive of the fact that two people are entering into one of God's greatest gifts: marriage. He could've made life to be lived alone but instead He made it so we can partner with someone and do it together. so when we say yes to being a bridesmaid or RSVP to a reception we're really saying yes to God's calling in their life. let's put our positive pants on and start seeing the big picture here.

married people: you're not off the hook. stop telling all of us single people how HARD marriage is. do you know that's all we hear about? i think in an attempt to make us feel better you have this need to downplay your marriage. you're feeding into our cynicism and bitterness! when you complain about marriage what we hear is "i have what you want, but i'm ungrateful for it." start telling me how much you love your husband or wife, how much fun it is to do dishes together, how you can't wait to get home and drink wine with each other. it doesn't make me feel bad about my state of singleness, it makes me happy that you are some of the few proud married people left in the world! we know marriage is hard. if it was easy there wouldn't be a 60% divorce rate. running a marathon is hard, but people always talk about how much it was worth it. except you aren't getting a medal at the end of this race, you're getting each other. your commitment to marriage speaks volumes to society and it is certainly worth it. God is showing you more of Himself through marriage. it was designed to point back to Him. now that's something worth talking about so hop to it!

i think i'm mostly writing this blog to myself. on the count of first degree marriage cynicism i find myself guilty as charged. i hereby sentence myself to positivity and encouragement, both to be served concurrently. so yes, i'm still checking facebook. i'm still going to like all of your engagement photos and cry at your wedding. and i promise from now on to be marriage's biggest fan. but not in a creepy "i have a secret wedding board on pinterest" kind of way. in a regular, Godly, supportive way.